I must make sticky date pudding today, this being part of my domestic goddess journey. Yum, I love
Unfortunately, or fortunately, we had no dates at home!
Okay no problem, I will just go down the road to the nearest dairy, 2.5 km away. I jump into the car, only to find, buggar they have none.
So the nearest shop now is 20 minutes away in Thames. I love the drive along the coast road, we call it our bit of French Riveria, so off I go, driving merrily along.
All of a sudden a recall comes to mind, a story I read yesterday, online. A social worker’s journey out west and the story that broke him. I started to cry. Tears flowed, from out of nowhere. Such deep grief I held inside. My father had recently passed, was I grieving for his passing? Indeed a catalyst.
But, that wasn’t it, the grieving bit I mean. The story of the parents and the young child sitting in its own faeces and eating cold baked beans with its grubby finger opened my grief, brought it to the surface. My grief for humanity, for all the awfulness and suffering on planet earth. How this tears my heart out. I had built a strong wall around my heart to keep me safe, shutting out these feelings and choosing to ignore the suffering but not today.
Finally, the damn broke!
So, I continued my journey around the coast, turned into the supermarket, popped along to the hardware store, still holding this heartfelt story.
I meandered home driving along the coast road and my dad came to mind, I realized he was traveling with me in spirit. I began apologizing to him because I felt a deeper grief for humanity than I did for his passing. My dad and I have been separated for 46 years, since I was 16 years old, except for occasional visits. He was still my dad. We never reconciled our difference, although he did soften his approach with me. We both held very different views on religion, spirituality and our connection to God.
I began to laugh and cry at the same time. I had made a deeper connection to ME by releasing another layer of my grief. By being disconnected and disassociated from my parents and some of my siblings these past 46 years, I had gained something much greater, something much more momentous and extraordinary.
I have traveled this lifetime, back to discovering self, leading me back home, to my home within. My truth. My passions. My creative expression. My inner goddess.
On some spiritual level I have always understood the reason behind my journey, but today I connected with it on a cellular level, deep into the core of my being. I changed an energetic imprint.
BTW I only like dates in sticky date pudding, never been keen on them any other way. The sticky date pudding was delicious with runny caramel sauce to boot! A favourite with my husband.
So, I laughed at myself for having this epiphany and my cellular embodiment and cried for the losses of my dad and the significance of his gifts in this lifetime.
My most precious gift of all has been the discovery of “Who am I?”
Always heed your daily messages. You never know where it will lead you. What started for me as a simple exercise of making sticky date pudding turned into a life-changing vision and understanding.
It is in our human experiences that our souls evolve. Every experience we have teaches us something, they are always an opportunity for growth. Don’t be afraid to go within. This is where your beauty lies. The full expression of you. We have all our answers within.
Is there a story within you that needs opening up, understood, get the learning and shift gear? Somewhere safe where you are able to tell your story with out recrimination or judgement? If you feel drawn to this work please contact me (Jan) have a chat, book in for a one on one.