Well, what did I know? It just happened again. Feeling very zen I waltzed into a group of friends to enjoy lunch together. Lunch was served. Nice connections rekindled. The talk began about this and that.
I’mm I thought I had got myself to a solid place, ticked off some old beliefs and low and behold the voice across the table said: “Oh, that’s what happens when you return from holiday you are feeling all zen and nothing phases you”. Not wanting to feel cold-hearted I put in my two cents worth. Justifying what I was feeling. Pass on some new found knowledge. And
Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling so zen-like anymore! What just happened? An old belief was triggered in me. I felt that my “goodness” was being attacked and undermined. Of course, this wasn’t the truth.
The truth was I had begun to feel vulnerable, my heart then closed off and I began spiraling back into my old value system of “I am heartless” and “What does she know”.
Phew! A bit of deep inner contemplation was needed. Just where did I start to slide? At what point in the conversation did my heart close enough to feel those old belief patterns rise to the surface.
Lucky my heart and I are on good terms now. We have this intimate connection and we can ask my vulnerable parts where did I go to? And mostly it replies with good solid pertinent answers. (Wasn’t always the case).
So, I got the learning. When I feel like I am being attacked (remember this is my perception and will not necessarily the giver’s intention) I reverse to my previous patterning of closing down my heart which reactivates my invalid outdated beliefs.
I’ve had several past lives where I have either been martyred, ridiculed or persecuted. This is where my fear of attack comes from. In this lifetime there have been minor incidents of these. Not like my previous lifetimes. Yet when they occur they trigger in me old karmic miasmic energy patterns. I am aware of these now. So, I know my story, so I am able to understand the why behind my reactions.
My friend’s words on parting company “don’t stew on that on too long will you”. “Nah,” I said, “I will contemplate and dig deeper to understand myself more”.
I am so glad I have these tools in my toolbox. Wasn’t always the case. I would stew for days sometimes. Now it can take a matter of minutes to find my truth. I love that.
My key is to deepen my connection to my heart so that I can remain in a loving connection with myself and that energy will echo out into my environment.
As I deepen my loving heart connection with myself, my vibrational energy rises and other lower vibrational energies are less likely to penetrate my energy fields.